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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
October 20, 2010
Performance meets poetry in Dear Sir by *SitsUnderWaterfalls and grabs the reader with its intensity.
Featured by nycterent
Literature Text
[Lights up on CLAUDE. He's holding a letter, standing.]
CLAUDE:
Dear sir,
We regret to inform you
That your (that place with cream walls and dog hair where warm nights are cracked by
broken windows
shattered glass
ceilings let you sink into plaid cushions and listen
to your own heart
live safe or sound
loud enough for you) your house home is being forclosed.
Sir, you've missed your payments and refuse to pay your fines in blood and silver as per our demands.
Dear Sir, dear friend, I love you with my lips but I love your money more
And now you've dried up in the Arizona sun
And the leeches have become ravenous.
Dear Sir, we regret to inform you
That your (you know, that person whose soul's entwined with yours
or yours with hers
hard to tell when electric blue
turns icy
soft caresses
soft landings for tears
radiant smiles
that person you love enough to forge the terms for love
and make it real) your wife
is a gold-digging slut and you've wrapped your eyes in rose-colored saran wrap all this time.
Dear Sir,
Our deepest sympathies for your loss of everything you held dear.
We know it's hard to lose someone,
especially if that someone
is yourself.
But it's good to say goodbye, so remember to wave at your soul
as it leaves you
one piece of furniture at a time.
Remember to laugh at the empty spaces
Reeking with silence of the absent.
Dear Sir,
It is of utmost importance that you understand how fucked you are.
And how sorry we are to hear it.
If this letter has been sent in error, the error is yours, not ours.
Don't forget to send us your new address in Hell or Detroit, it amounts to the same thing.
Sincerely.
CLAUDE:
Dear sir,
We regret to inform you
That your (that place with cream walls and dog hair where warm nights are cracked by
broken windows
shattered glass
ceilings let you sink into plaid cushions and listen
to your own heart
live safe or sound
loud enough for you) your house home is being forclosed.
Sir, you've missed your payments and refuse to pay your fines in blood and silver as per our demands.
Dear Sir, dear friend, I love you with my lips but I love your money more
And now you've dried up in the Arizona sun
And the leeches have become ravenous.
Dear Sir, we regret to inform you
That your (you know, that person whose soul's entwined with yours
or yours with hers
hard to tell when electric blue
turns icy
soft caresses
soft landings for tears
radiant smiles
that person you love enough to forge the terms for love
and make it real) your wife
is a gold-digging slut and you've wrapped your eyes in rose-colored saran wrap all this time.
Dear Sir,
Our deepest sympathies for your loss of everything you held dear.
We know it's hard to lose someone,
especially if that someone
is yourself.
But it's good to say goodbye, so remember to wave at your soul
as it leaves you
one piece of furniture at a time.
Remember to laugh at the empty spaces
Reeking with silence of the absent.
Dear Sir,
It is of utmost importance that you understand how fucked you are.
And how sorry we are to hear it.
If this letter has been sent in error, the error is yours, not ours.
Don't forget to send us your new address in Hell or Detroit, it amounts to the same thing.
Sincerely.
Literature
A cappella
My mother, a famous classical violinist in her day, was on her deathbed and I didn't care. She was bedridden by the usual suspects, old age and a fall, and had been for many months when they called me. "Come see her," they said. "She'll pass on soon." They told me the nurses played Tchaikovsky, her favorite.
"No," I said, and hung up the phone, slamming it against the wall, the cord jerking about in a wild dance. I glared at my CD player, as though it would suddenly come to life with violin concertos, then grabbed my coat, and left the house.
The critics never tired of sayin
Literature
Neologism
There is a moment, tired and quiet,
that lingers in the inside of a person
drawing symbols on the inner walls
in fingerpaints and blunted charcoal.
People ask for things, in passion
in passing fancy, in desperate need...
people ask, and they ask, and ask
loud and bleating sacrificial lambs.
Why must it be for passing joy, floating
through the air like prancing butterflies
from marigold to globemallow and lilac -
fleeting things no sooner saw then gone
There are symbols I've been reading
symbols that tell a story of things
more than marigolds and nectar -
symbols to connect impossibilities.
It is a quiet jargon of signs, of a
Literature
Recipe for Bad Poetry
How to Write Bad Poetry:
Start with: SCISSORS
Scissors are very good cutting your prose
into pieces (as well as fending off mobs of real poets).
It works better if you start with
Suggested Collections
Featured in Groups
EDIT: Ohmygoshyouguys!
Um. This is my first DD. Ever. A bazillion thanks for all the comments and faves! And Super-Thanks to ^nycterent, one of the most awesome writers here on dA.
Yay . /EDIT
For . A poetic monologue.
Critique please! It's a rough draft. I might turn it into part of a longer piece.
For those of you who are actors, do you think this could really be interpreted/read onstage? I was trying to avoid poetry-slam-ness by making it about a specific situation. Did it work?
EDIT: I know this is late, but I realize there's been some confusion as to the interpretation of this piece. I just want to make it clear that Claude has already read this letter and gone over it multiple times. What Claude says during the monologue is not the literal words of the letter sent by the state, but rather what he hears in his mind when he reads the letter.
I hope that clears up some confusion!
299 words.
As with most of my scripts, feel free to use for a drama class or produce or whatever, just let me know . For this one in particular, again, it's a rough draft, so you might want to try and find something more finished.
Um. This is my first DD. Ever. A bazillion thanks for all the comments and faves! And Super-Thanks to ^nycterent, one of the most awesome writers here on dA.
Yay . /EDIT
For . A poetic monologue.
Critique please! It's a rough draft. I might turn it into part of a longer piece.
For those of you who are actors, do you think this could really be interpreted/read onstage? I was trying to avoid poetry-slam-ness by making it about a specific situation. Did it work?
EDIT: I know this is late, but I realize there's been some confusion as to the interpretation of this piece. I just want to make it clear that Claude has already read this letter and gone over it multiple times. What Claude says during the monologue is not the literal words of the letter sent by the state, but rather what he hears in his mind when he reads the letter.
I hope that clears up some confusion!
299 words.
As with most of my scripts, feel free to use for a drama class or produce or whatever, just let me know . For this one in particular, again, it's a rough draft, so you might want to try and find something more finished.
Comments134
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Overall
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Originality
Technique
Impact
Dear Sir
Hi there
I agree with what Paperdart has mentioned about whether the format of you poem was entirely appropriate for a performance piece. It is easy to fall into the stylistic side, but when a poem is written with the intent of being read aloud, you have to carefully consider whether these elements are even necessary. Someone who uses form effectively in script would be Sarah Kane- 4.48 psychosis is a particular favourite of mine and parts of it really work with the stylistic format that is then communicated on stage. You also have to bear in mind that what you stylise on paper could be interpreted in performance and you could lose the grit of your piece because actors are interpreting it into a floaty pretence instead. I would try to refocus on the content, which you have in abundance beyond.
What I also felt this piece lacked was a character- we had the fantastic setting of this house, but I almost wanted to feel more reaction to the letter- more honesty from the person reading it. I got no feel for the sex or age of this character, and this openness again exposes the piece to what could be an over stylised performance.
Be really wary what others have said about liking the piece but not fully understanding it. If this was to be passed onto an actor, they wouldn’t necessarily have you there to explain things to them- so I would find out what is confusing people and work towards clearing that up.
You do however have some wonderful imagery and I think with a bit of work you will have a piece that allows strength in the words.
Thank you for taking part! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Smile)"/>