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Literature by Emiliers

Literature by Leaving-My-Mark

LiteratureLove by kakashiplushie


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Submitted on
April 10, 2010
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[Lights up on CLAUDE. He's holding a letter, standing.]

CLAUDE:
       Dear sir,
       We regret to inform you
       That your (that place with cream walls and dog hair where warm nights are cracked by
                           broken windows
                           shattered glass
                           ceilings let you sink into plaid cushions and listen
                           to your own heart
                           live safe or sound
                           loud enough for you) your house home is being forclosed.

Sir, you've missed your payments and refuse to pay your fines in blood and silver as per our demands.

Dear Sir, dear friend, I love you with my lips but I love your money more
And now you've dried up in the Arizona sun
And the leeches have become ravenous.

Dear Sir, we regret to inform you
                That your (you know, that person whose soul's entwined with yours
                                    or yours with hers
                                    hard to tell when electric blue
                                    turns icy
                                    soft caresses
                                    soft landings for tears
                                    radiant smiles
                                    that person you love enough to forge the terms for love
                                    and make it real) your wife

is a gold-digging slut and you've wrapped your eyes in rose-colored saran wrap all this time.

Dear Sir,

Our deepest sympathies for your loss of everything you held dear.
We know it's hard to lose someone,
especially if that someone
is yourself.
But it's good to say goodbye, so remember to wave at your soul
as it leaves you
one piece of furniture at a time.
Remember to laugh at the empty spaces
Reeking with silence of the absent.

Dear Sir,

It is of utmost importance that you understand how fucked you are.
And how sorry we are to hear it.
If this letter has been sent in error, the error is yours, not ours.

Don't forget to send us your new address in Hell or Detroit, it amounts to the same thing.

Sincerely.
EDIT: :dance: :boogie: Ohmygoshyouguys!

Um. This is my first DD. Ever. A bazillion thanks for all the comments and faves! And Super-Thanks to ^nycterent, one of the most awesome writers here on dA.

Yay :D. /EDIT

For :iconwriters-workshop:. A poetic monologue.

Critique please! It's a rough draft. I might turn it into part of a longer piece.

For those of you who are actors, do you think this could really be interpreted/read onstage? I was trying to avoid poetry-slam-ness by making it about a specific situation. Did it work?

EDIT: I know this is late, but I realize there's been some confusion as to the interpretation of this piece. I just want to make it clear that Claude has already read this letter and gone over it multiple times. What Claude says during the monologue is not the literal words of the letter sent by the state, but rather what he hears in his mind when he reads the letter.

I hope that clears up some confusion!

299 words.

As with most of my scripts, feel free to use for a drama class or produce or whatever, just let me know :). For this one in particular, again, it's a rough draft, so you might want to try and find something more finished.
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2010-10-20
Performance meets poetry in Dear Sir by *SitsUnderWaterfalls and grabs the reader with its intensity. ( Featured by nycterent )
:iconbeccalicious:
Dear Sir

Hi there

I agree with what Paperdart has mentioned about whether the format of you poem was entirely appropriate for a performance piece. It is easy to fall into the stylistic side, but when a poem is written with the intent of being read aloud, you have to carefully consider whether these elements are even necessary. Someone who uses form effectively in script would be Sarah Kane- 4.48 psychosis is a particular favourite of mine and parts of it really work with the stylistic format that is then communicated on stage. You also have to bear in mind that what you stylise on paper could be interpreted in performance and you could lose the grit of your piece because actors are interpreting it into a floaty pretence instead. I would try to refocus on the content, which you have in abundance beyond.

What I also felt this piece lacked was a character- we had the fantastic setting of this house, but I almost wanted to feel more reaction to the letter- more honesty from the person reading it. I got no feel for the sex or age of this character, and this openness again exposes the piece to what could be an over stylised performance.

Be really wary what others have said about liking the piece but not fully understanding it. If this was to be passed onto an actor, they wouldn’t necessarily have you there to explain things to them- so I would find out what is confusing people and work towards clearing that up.

You do however have some wonderful imagery and I think with a bit of work you will have a piece that allows strength in the words.

Thank you for taking part! :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
24 out of 28 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Hey there I featured this piece here and just thought I'd let you know.

Thanks!
Reply
:icontanteirija:
TanteiRija Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2011
lol nice...
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2011  Student General Artist
Um, thanks?
Reply
:icontanteirija:
TanteiRija Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2011
i dont even know XD
Reply
:iconlazuleaf:
Lazuleaf Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2011   Writer
I like it. I imagine it very sarcastic. :D
How would one go about reading this aloud/performing this?
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2011  Student General Artist
It's totally up to the actor :)
Reply
:iconmudderpudder:
mudderpudder Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011
Wow. Now if only I could convince my interp. friends to act out this one. :grump:
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Student General Artist
Hey, go for it :D I never finished the play I was writing this was for, although I did manage to sneak it into this One Act :thumb196924936: Anyway, I'm always happy for someone to act out my work. That's what it's for :)
Reply
:iconmudderpudder:
mudderpudder Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011
I would totally show it to them but my coach is big on NFL certified pieces. Boo. :grump:
Either way, I love it and I think they'd adore it, too. :happybounce: It's really... emotional. :clap:
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011  Student General Artist
Thanks :) What is NFL?
Reply
:iconmudderpudder:
mudderpudder Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011
National Forensics League. [link]
It's basically like the national organization for high school speech and debate teams.
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2011  Student General Artist
Hmm. I'll definitely look into that.
Reply
:icontanteirija:
TanteiRija Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2010
im an idiot whats a DD? 8D????

:icongrellderpplz:
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2010  Student General Artist
A DD is a Daily Deviation. It's one of the deviations featured on the bottom of the from page of Deviant Art, and on the Daily Deviation page. I mean, it's not a huge deal, but I was really excited because I've never been picked for one before.
Reply
:icontanteirija:
TanteiRija Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2010
sweet :3
Reply
:iconaustheke:
austheke Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2010   Writer
Goodness, I really like this. I didn't get it completely at first, but it deepens with a second reading.

The poetic element of it is... kind of twofold. On one hand--it's lovely to read on the screen because it's so melodic, and your word choice is beautiful. But I'm not sure how well it would translate onto the stage. The parenthetical parts don't fit into the dialogue when read aloud as well as they do when it's taken as poetry and not script.

Actually, I think it would work better with two actors: one reading Claude's monologue, another reading the parenthetical bits. C:

As poetry, I love this. It has all the emotional, descriptive elements that good poetry requires.

Congratulations on the DD!
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2010  Student General Artist
Thanks for the compliments. I'm glad you liked the piece :love: !
Reply
:iconfrozen-lightning:
frozen-lightning Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2010   General Artist
IT'S LIKE A PLAY IN A POEM AGH.
This is very, very neat.
I enjoy it very much!
(I also love the name Claude)
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2010  Student General Artist
:D thanks!
Reply
:iconfrozen-lightning:
frozen-lightning Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2010   General Artist
Of course~
Reply
:iconburningrosebud:
BurningRoseBud Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2010
it would be awesome as a monologue, because it captures the attention from the very start and the fact that Claude is holding the envelope but is not reading it make it just more intresting, really good work. Congratulations for the DD!
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2010  Student General Artist
Thanks! I'm glad you like it.
Reply
:iconimani-c:
Imani-C Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2010
Well written :)
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconrainydaysmile:
RainyDaySmile Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010
Really, really well written. Fantastic flow--it sounds like dialogue, which is rare in poetry. It sounds like something someone might actually say, in the depths of losing themselves. Structure is a bit iffy, but overall, this is a brilliant piece of work and I thank you for sharing it.
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
I'm glad you liked it :) Thanks for the compliment :D
Reply
:iconrainydaysmile:
RainyDaySmile Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010
Oh, and if I may, I'd like to perhaps give this a shot for a performance class I'm in, if that's at all possible.
Reply
:iconpumpkin-2-face:
Pumpkin-2-Face Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010
Fricken awesome!!!
I'm going to use this to practice acting. I will memorize and read for my teacher. I will tell him about you. Hope you don't mind :D
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
Haha, not at all! Go for it. Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconshadowysilence:
shadowysilence Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Love it!
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconjaz-lyn:
jaz-lyn Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
Impressive, DD was well deserved here.
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconsharpace:
SharpAce Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This has a such a beautiful flow and large impact on the reader. Great work!
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconsharpace:
SharpAce Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Of course. :)
Reply
:icondust8i8moth:
dust8i8moth Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010
It's very brilliant and has a great bite to it. I can definitely invision someone performing this.
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
I'm glad you like it :)
Reply
:iconorantmihi:
Orantmihi Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010  Student General Artist
Of course I stumbled upon this through DD! I saw the first few lines in the preview and it instantly caught my eye.

You only used 299 words, but I find myself unable to even come up with 1 word to describe how much I like this. Let's say I'm super glad you wrote this and super glad I stumbled upon it (-:! The short descriptions of the main terms are spot on and so very sharp, I love that kind of feeling it awakens inside me when I read it. Somehow it makes me feel smart and wonderful reading it.

:clap:

You know, you really inspired me to make an art piece for this now. I love the name Claude too. The imagine that appears before my eyes is a young, French man with a beret and a blouse. (-:
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
Haha, thanks! I like the name Claude too. I wish I could speak French. I love foreign films but I'm bad at learning languages ^^;

I'm glad you liked it :D
Reply
:iconmoon-finder:
moon-finder Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010
this is truly a wonderful piece!
i feel it may be a tiny bit awkward to perform on stage, but the lines are very beautiful. they could easily be made stage appropriate with a few small tweaks.
i read it aloud, and it could definitely be used as a monologue if done right.

bravo!
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
:bow:
Reply
:iconsepulchral-roses:
Sepulchral-Roses Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. I love this. It's genius. It's real. It's sad. And oddly, I have no real[geniuslovingsadamazingwowworthy] words to give you about it, because they've all been stolen from me to go refill Claude's soul.
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Student General Artist
Wow, thanks :blush:. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.
Reply
:iconsepulchral-roses:
Sepulchral-Roses Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. And really, this is just WONDERFUL. :heart:
Reply
:iconroverrandom:
roverrandom Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010
Pure awesomeness....
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010  Student General Artist
Thanks!
Reply
:iconwaywardrogue:
waywardrogue Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
if I was a man i would be begging you to use this as a monologue for audtions
its that good :D
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010  Student General Artist
Wow, thanks! Well, like I said in the comments, I'm not against other people using it for auditions so long as they ask, so if you know any guys who want to use this monologue tell them to send me a comment or a note :)
Reply
:iconwaywardrogue:
waywardrogue Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
will do :D
Reply
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