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Literature by Emiliers

Literature by Leaving-My-Mark

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Submitted on
April 10, 2010
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[Lights up on CLAUDE. He's holding a letter, standing.]

CLAUDE:
       Dear sir,
       We regret to inform you
       That your (that place with cream walls and dog hair where warm nights are cracked by
                           broken windows
                           shattered glass
                           ceilings let you sink into plaid cushions and listen
                           to your own heart
                           live safe or sound
                           loud enough for you) your house home is being forclosed.

Sir, you've missed your payments and refuse to pay your fines in blood and silver as per our demands.

Dear Sir, dear friend, I love you with my lips but I love your money more
And now you've dried up in the Arizona sun
And the leeches have become ravenous.

Dear Sir, we regret to inform you
                That your (you know, that person whose soul's entwined with yours
                                    or yours with hers
                                    hard to tell when electric blue
                                    turns icy
                                    soft caresses
                                    soft landings for tears
                                    radiant smiles
                                    that person you love enough to forge the terms for love
                                    and make it real) your wife

is a gold-digging slut and you've wrapped your eyes in rose-colored saran wrap all this time.

Dear Sir,

Our deepest sympathies for your loss of everything you held dear.
We know it's hard to lose someone,
especially if that someone
is yourself.
But it's good to say goodbye, so remember to wave at your soul
as it leaves you
one piece of furniture at a time.
Remember to laugh at the empty spaces
Reeking with silence of the absent.

Dear Sir,

It is of utmost importance that you understand how fucked you are.
And how sorry we are to hear it.
If this letter has been sent in error, the error is yours, not ours.

Don't forget to send us your new address in Hell or Detroit, it amounts to the same thing.

Sincerely.
EDIT: :dance: :boogie: Ohmygoshyouguys!

Um. This is my first DD. Ever. A bazillion thanks for all the comments and faves! And Super-Thanks to ^nycterent, one of the most awesome writers here on dA.

Yay :D. /EDIT

For :iconwriters-workshop:. A poetic monologue.

Critique please! It's a rough draft. I might turn it into part of a longer piece.

For those of you who are actors, do you think this could really be interpreted/read onstage? I was trying to avoid poetry-slam-ness by making it about a specific situation. Did it work?

EDIT: I know this is late, but I realize there's been some confusion as to the interpretation of this piece. I just want to make it clear that Claude has already read this letter and gone over it multiple times. What Claude says during the monologue is not the literal words of the letter sent by the state, but rather what he hears in his mind when he reads the letter.

I hope that clears up some confusion!

299 words.

As with most of my scripts, feel free to use for a drama class or produce or whatever, just let me know :). For this one in particular, again, it's a rough draft, so you might want to try and find something more finished.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2010-10-20
Performance meets poetry in Dear Sir by *SitsUnderWaterfalls and grabs the reader with its intensity. ( Featured by nycterent )
:iconbeccalicious:
Dear Sir

Hi there

I agree with what Paperdart has mentioned about whether the format of you poem was entirely appropriate for a performance piece. It is easy to fall into the stylistic side, but when a poem is written with the intent of being read aloud, you have to carefully consider whether these elements are even necessary. Someone who uses form effectively in script would be Sarah Kane- 4.48 psychosis is a particular favourite of mine and parts of it really work with the stylistic format that is then communicated on stage. You also have to bear in mind that what you stylise on paper could be interpreted in performance and you could lose the grit of your piece because actors are interpreting it into a floaty pretence instead. I would try to refocus on the content, which you have in abundance beyond.

What I also felt this piece lacked was a character- we had the fantastic setting of this house, but I almost wanted to feel more reaction to the letter- more honesty from the person reading it. I got no feel for the sex or age of this character, and this openness again exposes the piece to what could be an over stylised performance.

Be really wary what others have said about liking the piece but not fully understanding it. If this was to be passed onto an actor, they wouldn’t necessarily have you there to explain things to them- so I would find out what is confusing people and work towards clearing that up.

You do however have some wonderful imagery and I think with a bit of work you will have a piece that allows strength in the words.

Thank you for taking part! :)
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
24 out of 28 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Hey there I featured this piece here and just thought I'd let you know.

Thanks!
Reply
:icontanteirija:
TanteiRija Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2011
lol nice...
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2011  Student General Artist
Um, thanks?
Reply
:icontanteirija:
TanteiRija Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2011
i dont even know XD
Reply
:iconlazuleaf:
Lazuleaf Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2011   Writer
I like it. I imagine it very sarcastic. :D
How would one go about reading this aloud/performing this?
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2011  Student General Artist
It's totally up to the actor :)
Reply
:iconmudderpudder:
mudderpudder Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011
Wow. Now if only I could convince my interp. friends to act out this one. :grump:
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011  Student General Artist
Hey, go for it :D I never finished the play I was writing this was for, although I did manage to sneak it into this One Act :thumb196924936: Anyway, I'm always happy for someone to act out my work. That's what it's for :)
Reply
:iconmudderpudder:
mudderpudder Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011
I would totally show it to them but my coach is big on NFL certified pieces. Boo. :grump:
Either way, I love it and I think they'd adore it, too. :happybounce: It's really... emotional. :clap:
Reply
:iconlucy-merriman:
Lucy-Merriman Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2011  Student General Artist
Thanks :) What is NFL?
Reply
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